THE REAL GENDER PROBLEM NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT. by Bill Knell
by BILL KNELL
Growing up in the New York City area means dealing with any number of challenges, but most of us still loved it. I like to think that I was always aware of big city issues that often crept out into the suburbs where I lived, but one slid right past me. I began to notice the problem in the 1980s when I started looking at old class pictures.
I had been back and forth between New York and Florida where my family moved in 1970. I was in college at the Fashion Industry of Technology in NYC in the early 80s. I served in the military for a few years and earned free college tuition. No student loan nightmares for me!
The reason I looked at old class pictures was because there were a lot more girls in my current classes then guys. You might think that's a given for a school like FIT. But looking back at those old class photos told the same story. In almost every instance there were more girls in my classes than guys.
It never dawned on me as unusual that three of the girls on my block who were my friends all became a lot more friendly as early puberty hit them and me. Maybe it was the fluoridated water? Who knows? Looking back I realized that, compared to the young female population, boys in the New York Metropolitan Area were outnumbered by almost two to one.
The situation in NYC, while i was attending FIT, became painfully obvious. I was lean and fit, but nothing special as far as I knew; yet I was constantly being asked out by other students and even strangers. One time I was sitting at a small table in a popular coffee shop near FIT. It was crowded, so I wasn't surprised when a teenage girl I didn't know sat down next to me at the table.
She said, “I'm Isabella. I live nearby and always come here. I've seen you a few times and always wanted to meet you. Well, here I am!” Wow. I had no idea how to respond, so I just told her that I noticed her accent and wondered where she was from? She said, “I'm Italian from Tuscany.” She was beautiful. As we finished our coffee, she said, “Why don't you take a walk with me?” I wasn't busy at the time and couldn't think of a reason to decline.
We enjoyed walking more than riding like most New Yorkers; unless we were in a crowded area where everyone was shoulder to shoulder. Isabella and I enjoyed a nice conversation and walk. I was thinking of asking her out, but she beat me to the punch. Isabella invited me to her apartment for dinner. I accepted because she was pretty, had a nice personality and lived in a really good neighborhood.
Isabella and her younger sister lived in a very nice apartment together compliments of her father back in Italy. They both attended New York University part time and studied art at a small, prestigious school nearby. Isabella was nineteen and Marie was eighteen. Both were beautiful and wonderful cooks. Dinner could not have tasted better.
I began taking out Isabella. We had similar interests so that made things easy. Every so often Marie came along. I loved being with two beautiful and exotic Italian girls. Then, trouble started. Both sisters loved to slow dance. All three of us went to the famous Roseland Ballroom where they had live bands and a lovely atmosphere. The sisters took turns dancing with me.
As I danced cheek to cheek with Marie, she quietly invited me to come for dinner on Friday evening and stay to watch TV and play a board game. I asked if she cleared it with Isabella? She said there was no need. Her sister would be gone for the weekend to visit relatives living in New Jersey. Marie said that she would clear it with Isabella anyway. Despite her assurances, I knew that I was making a mistake by accepting her invitation, but I thought it would be a nice evening between two friends. It wasn't.
As soon as we finished dinner, Marie came and sat next to me on the couch. Before I knew it, she was all over me. I was like a deer in the headlights. I could have given in, but I just got up and left. On Monday I met Isabella at the coffee shop and told her what happened to clear the air. Isabella looked puzzled and asked, “Why didn't you spend the night with her? Did she upset you?”
Despite their good looks, it was difficult for them to find guys. Isabella said she agreed to share me with Marie because most of the guys they encountered were either taken, gay or certain to be carriers of social diseases. You know what they say: When you have sex with someone it's like having sex with everyone they've been with. The more partners, the more chance of catching something nobody wants. Isabella continued her unbelievable argument by telling me that she had only been with two boys and Marie with none.
I offered to casually date them, but bedrooms were off limits. Isabella couldn't see my point and the sisters stopped dating me. I dodged a bullet. Two years later Isabella was diagnosed with Aids. When Marie called me out of the blue to tell me the horrible news, she said that the last guy she slept with was a drug user that shared needles. Isabella had no idea.
Things in NYC were really crazy. I would be walking down the street when girls would pull up in their cars and offer me a ride. Girls would travel in packs of three or four hitting the popular areas where young people hung out looking to get a date. During that time most of the prostitutes I saw were on the arms or in the cars with older men.
Fast forward to today. Girls are all over social media, and not just the golddiggers. Single, divorced and separated girls are practically begging for guys who will treat them right. Good luck! Too many guys use girls for their bodies, cars, cash and sex. Girls who are still looking or are involved, but fear they could be abandoned at any time, post real photos and fake names on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid.
Truth be told, this is the real gender problem and I have no idea how to solve it. In some countries they used to kill (unalive for the squeamish) female babies because they needed males for work and there were too many females as it was. Horrible idea. Then there were the Mormons (Latter Day Saints) and their many Sister Wives. That might have worked had it not been for the laws against Bigomy and the nasty old men who started marrying twelve year old girls. BTW, the Mormons don't do that anymore and are officially against it.
I do have some advice for both genders. Girls first. If you want a guy worth your time you gotta be worth his time. If your a gamer and spend the bulk of your time gaming, be versatile. Take some time to find out what kind of guy you are looking for and what he might like (beyond the obvious). Look for guys who have mutual interests with you. Divorce courts are filled with people who thought they could change their mates after marriage. Not happening.
Get and stay as fit as you can, look your best and always dress occasion appropriate. Impress your prospect with a meal you made, even if it's just a nice sandwich. There is nothing sexier than watching a cute girl make a sandwich for a guy. If you have artistic abilities, show your work online with a tag like, ‘’This one is for the guys. Let me know what you think.”
There is nothing wrong with using dating sites. Just be honest and age appropriate. Sadly, a lot of guys in the 30+ age group end up looking for mail order brides from Russia, The Phillipians and so on. Why. Because many of them feel American girls of all ages expect too much and offer too little. Don't be one of them.
OK Guys. It's your turn! Put on your crash helmet and get ready. Stop looking for the perfect woman. If you want one they are all in the cemetery. Dead people don't make mistakes, cheat or annoy. Start by asking yourself if what you have to offer is enough to interest a girl that has the qualities you're looking for?
Some things never go out of style. Be mannerly. If you have a potty mouth leave it at home. Never talk about past relationships even if she asks. Women like men who are a bit of a mystery. Find out as much as you can about a prospect, then surprise her with an activity she'll love. Don't be afraid to ask a girl out. We're all attracted to certain types of girls. I happen to believe this is as much genetic as it is a learned taste based on childhood experiences. Either way, it's a good starting point. It doesn't hurt to go outside your basic taste in women for dates, but it may not work over the long term.
For both genders…
Find dating projects at events you enjoy. You are likely to meet people with similar interests which will give you a head start. These might be sporting events, classes, book club meetings, poetry recitals, Bible studies or concerts. They say opposites attract. It's true and be careful. Too many differences can cause major breaks in your relationship at a later time.
Since I have already made you aware of the over availability of girls, keep that in mind. Girls can better their chances of finding a guy they'll like by widening their pool of prospects to include older or younger age groups. As long as they don't compromise their basic mental list of types they like. Guys should be willing to casually date a number of girls. That gives both parties a chance to enjoy dating while looking for the girl or guy they want. Good luck!
Comments
Post a Comment