The BEAST In JAN... Beware!
The BEAST In JAN… Beware!
by Bill Knell
I grew up in a suburb of New York City on Long Island in the 1960s. Our town was somewhat limited when it came to diversity. There were mostly people with Irish, Jewish, Italian and German ancestry. However, the Irish were dominent. I was Scandinavian and Irish. It was a good combination and I fit in well because when the Vikings came to Ireland in ancient times, they brought more than just stolen items from other places with them.
They planned on hiding their stolen booty in Ireland. They built towns and castle-like structures for that purpose. When they first arrived, most of the Irish had dark hair and pale skin. The Vikings (from Scandinavia) brought red hair, blond hair and freckles into the genetic mix.
In my neighborhood, four of the first five friends I had were of Irish Ancestry. Three were pretty girls with long hair and lots of freckles. All of them were generally sweet and kind as long as you didn't make them angry. I began making out with one st ten, then dating her at twelve. We all had early puberty. Maybe it was the fluridated water? I guess that she and the others set the standard for my taste in women.
In 1966 I was ten years old. My folks thought it would be fun to spend a couple of summer weeks at an upstate New York dude ranch. I wasn't a fan of my parent's choice because I never liked camping or outdoorsy activities. I mean, I was born in New York City and brought up just twenty minutes away by car, bus or train. Every service or entertainment you could imagine were less than two blocks away, most in walking distance.
The closest I ever got to camping were picnics in a large, nearby park or watching fireworks there on Indendence Day. An hour of fireworks, then two hours to drive out of the park because of all the traffic. We were smart and just did the twenty minute casual walk from our house.
The Painted Pony Dude Ranch existed near Lake Luzerne in the Adirondack Mountains. It was a sprawling property with cabins, a motel, a ranch house where food was served, a pool, tennis and shuffleboard courts, a saloon, dance hall and a gift shop in a old west style town, and even a rodeo arena where rodeos are still held today. There was horseback riding, bikes, rowboats, hiking, horseshoes, a game room, rowboats, a talent show and more. Sounds great, right? Well, there was no TV, hardly any radio and I was sadly stuck there for two weeks with my parents.
Even though I was only ten, I had better things to do than get bitten by a million bugs, smell horse manure, and try to exist in a place with no TV and activities that were mostly foreign to me. I had no interest in camping and steered clear of the Boy Scouts. I was a member of the Navy themed American Cadet Alliance and the Junior Naval Reserve because I lived on an island and could relate to things like boating and fishing.
Jan was a cute ten year old girl from Texas who tried to embrace the cowgirl look and even went horseback riding a few times as she did at home. She had an older teen sister who took advantage of the teen activities and enjoyed meeting all the teens that were summer ranch hands or guests.
I met Jan playing horseshoes. She was really good at it and usually won against me and other kids. Jan liked hanging out with boys. I wondered if she secretly wanted to be one? Either way, she was fun to be around and I liked her. She was beautiful with long strawberry blond hair, a cute freckled face and a nice personality as long as you didn't ruffle her feathers too much. Jan and I also met two young boys named Donny and Paul. They were around our age, so we began hanging out as a foursome together.
Several days after I met Jan i was sure that she liked me as much as I liked her. She always smiled at me and found excuses to punch me in the arm or touch my face feigning a bug on it. Then on Saturday afternoon, Donny and Paul went on a hike because their parents signed them up for it. Mine were too busy having their own fun with horses to bother me and that was a good thing. It gave me some private time with Jan. While the others were hiking, Jan and I went biking on ranch bikes.
We circled the ranch property, then stopped at the ranch house to buy sodas from the machines there. The machine ate our money without dispensing any sodas. Jan was hot, thirsty and angry. She started banging on the machine wildly. All of a sudden I saw a different side of Jan. Nothing still came out, so she began kicking it! Finally, a teenage ranch hand came out from inside the ranch house to see what all the ruckus was about. I told him what happened. He went inside and got us two cold sodas from the kitchen. Then he made the mistake of telling Jan she shouldn't have tried to damage the machine when all she had to do was tell somebody about the problem. Jan yelled at him saying, "We shouldn't have to tell anybody anything! You should just have soda machines that work and don't steal people's money. My parents are paying guests. Don't talk to me like that or I'll tell them and they'll report you." After her harangue, the guy walked away and we finished our sodas. He came out again and was walking by when Jan through her empty can at him and offered the Italian salute (up yours).
Afterward we biked to my cabin. I invited Jan in and asked if she wanted to make out with me? I was hoping I would not get something thrown at me and I didn't. Jan immediately moved forward, put her arms around my neck and began kissing me. It was obvious that both of us had done this before. Jan even knew how to French kiss and was good at it. She admitted making out with an eleven year old boy from her neighborhood who taught her how to do it.
As we made out Jan made several things clear. First, that she was of all Irish Ancestry and proud of it. Second, she didn't have a boyfriend. Third, she liked me and wanted me to be her boyfriend. Fourth, she would make out with me in a swimsuit, but her clothes always stay on! I was certain she got her attitude from her ancestors and her perspective on relationships from her teen sister.
We became a couple. I tried to split my time between Jan and the boys, but spent most of it with her. She knew how to square dance and taught me during a Saturday Night Hoedown at the dance hall attached to the saloon. I met her parents that night and her sixteen year old sister. Her dad was friendly and appreciated me making friends with Jan and helping her to enjoy her time at the ranch. Her mom and sister were beautiful and sociable. Jan met my parents and they were equally kind and impressed. Both sets of our parents thought our dancing was the cutest thing ever and approved of our spending time together.
Jan and I got really close and I knew it was gonna hurt when we had to leave and were separated. I bought her some keepsakes from the gift shop and she surprised me with a really nice cowboy hat! We started holding hands every so often and really enjoyed our time together. To look at that little Irish kitten, you would never suspect that inside lurked a fiercely protective lioness.
One time, as Jan and I played horse shoes, a cute young girl named Cindy came along and wanted to play with us. She joined in and every time she was up, Cindy went out of way to smile at me and touch me. She was eleven years old and probably thought I was 11 or 12. I looked older than my age thanks to early puberty.
I first met Cindy at the same lunch table where my family and I were assigned. She was cute with long brunett hair and a somewhat shapely body. It was easy to tell that Cindy had an interest in me. She smiled at me and asked me to play a board game with her at the ranch house after our meal. I played one game with her, then said I had to go. She wasn't my type and I thought that was that, but she followed me to the horse shoes game area.
While Cindy kept shamelessly flirting with me, I saw that Jan was doing a slow burn. When it was Cindy's turn I took the opportunity to give Jan a kiss and hold her hand. Either Cindy didn't notice or didn't care. She seemed like the kind of spoiled, bratty kid who was used to getting what she wanted. Cindy finally overstepped by asking me to come to her cabin to see an outfit she was going to use for the talent show. That's when Jan let loose.
Jan got in Cindy's face and called her a sleezy witch (a moniker she learned from her mom) and warned her to “leave my boyfriend alone”.
Before Cindy could respond, Jan slapped her face really hard, kicked her in the knee and proceeded to pull her long brunett hair. Some guy watching from the side yelled “Hair pull!” People quickly assembled to watch the spectacle created when the lioness in Jan came out.
Cindy was outclassed and started begging Jan to stop. Two female ranch hands walking by ran over to put an end to the melee. They were finally able to pry Jan off Cindy, who got up and ran away. Although the incident was the talk of the ranch and many observers hoped for a re-match, that was the end of Cindy's attempts to hook up with me. Jan didn't get in any trouble and kept her cool for the remainder of her stay.
Then it came time to leave. I exchanged information with all three of my ranch buddies. I knew I would see Paul again because he lived nearby me just two towns over. I kept in contact with Donny by letter and phone. He was able to come and stay with me for a few days during Christmas break and other times during the year. His folks had money and could easily afford airplane tickets. That left the heartbreak of leaving my Jan. After we kissed each other goodbye, I went off and cried wishing I would see her again. Be careful what you wish for with a broken heart.
Everything about Jan was a surprise; but in some ways she was like me. She lived in a suburb of Dallas, a large Texas city connected with nearby Fort Worth. At ten she got around like a teenager and often travelled about with her sixteen year old sister. Jan wasn't your typical Irish pepperpot girl. She didn't get all bent out of shape and go nutzoid if someone looked at her the wrong way. She was normally calm until she didn't get something she really wanted badly, or someone tried to take something that was hers (like me). She learned that behavior from her mom.
Jan's dad had money, lots of it. Her mom was a kinda spoiled trophy wife. That didn't make her a bad mom. Just the opposite. Even though she didn't have a few more children because she felt it would ruin her shape, she carefully watched over the kids she did have and took good care of them. Since both were girls, she taught them how to match outfits, style their long hair, essentials of make-up and other things. Her mom never played it cheap, especially when it came to her daughters. When her older daughter asked her what she should do about her hair for an upcoming Sweet 16 party, she said, “Make an appointment at the hair salon”.
As far as Jan was concerned, our relationship wasn't over, it was just starting. Jan feigned sadness and depression telling her dad that she wanted me to be a part of her life. Her father tried to tell her that she was too young to make a decision like that. Big mistake. Her sister called me later to give me all the Jan news. Jan told her dad he didn't know what he was talking about. She said she found a boy who was nice and respectful and it wasn't fair to keep us apart. Her dad said "life isn't always fair" and that did it. Jan began throwing stuff everywhere and broke two lamps. She then told her dad she wanted to see me for a few days every month. Her dad relented and told her he would arrange to fly her to New York as long as my parents picked her up at the airport. Her dad called mine and it was a done deal.
A week later she arrived at my house with her luggage in the late afternoon after my folks picked her up at the airport. We hugged, then I took her on a tour of the house. It was summer, so she was able to stay with me for a week. We took it easy that first day just talking and getting reacquainted. After dinner, we decided to go in the large, above ground pool in my backyard. She wore a nice swimsuit with a low neckline. As soon as we got into the pool, Jan said, "Remember what I said when we made out in the cabin?" I remembered.
We made out as promised for what seemed like a long while, then played around splashing each other and things like that. Just then, my neighbor Kathy walked along the side of her house which was right next to our property only being separated by a fence and hedges. Kathy said hello and I introduced Jan to her. After Kathy went about her business, Jan said, "Who was that? A former girl friend?* I told her I only dated one girl in the neighborhood and she was away on vacation. She than reminded me that I was dating HER now and that was that.
That night we had Jan all set up in a guest room upstairs. It was next to mine with just a bathroom separating us. There were TVs in both our rooms. After we put on our pajamas, I invited Jan to watch TV with me and that's what we did. We also made out. Then, around eleven, we were both tired and ready for sleep. Instead of going into her bedroom, Jan said she felt a little scared and wanted to sleep with me. I knew it was a load, but I was in no mood to have her go nutzoid because I said she couldn't. Anyway, it was kind of nice.
We had a great time that week. My older cousin Ingrid had just moved in with us after her folks died. She took us into the City several times. We ate out, saw a Broadway play, went to a couple of museums, saw fellow Texan Janus Joplin perform at the Fillmore East, visited and ate in both Chinatown and Little Italy, and saw the sights. Jan was really impressed with all the things my sister and I planned for us. She had a great time. Until…
I avoided the girls I knew on my block. I didn't want her getting jealous. Just seeing my next store neighbor almost set her off. One early evening my sister joined Jan and I for the short walk up to a wonderful pizzaria and Italian restaurant. It was amazing. On the way there and back Jan and I held hands. She had a Texas accent which is hard to describe unless you've heard it. I thought it was cute compared to the usual gruff New York accent.
As we walked back to my house we passed a house where a couple of really trashy sisters lived. They were twelve and thirteen. These idiots thought they were hippie goddesses. They wore peace sign and ty dyed shirts, ripped jeans and sandals or no shoes at all. They were not good looking and one of them had green teeth. Jan and I were talking as we walked by and I guess we were a little louder than I thought.
The sleezy girls heard us and saw us holding hands. One said, “Oh, that's cute. Is that your girlfriend?” I told them her name was Jan, she was from Texas and, yes, she was my girlfriend. Then they started making fun of her accent by saying, “Hey ya'll. Whatsamatter? Ain't you got no cowpolks ta date at home?” I squeezed Jan's hand hoping she would stay cool. She did, but her slow burn had begun. My sister cussed them out.
I said, “Let's go” and we started walking. As we did, one if the sleezy hippies said, “That's right! Keep your Texas Trash away from this end of the block. I can't believe you like that little Flatsy” (There was a flat doll called a ‘Flatsy’. Some began calling girls with undeveloped or small breasts a Flatsy).
Before I could say or do anything, Jan was on her way. She made The Flash look as slow as a donkey cart. She dove into one of the girls and grabbed the hair of the other. Jan was relentless. She beat them, pulled their hair, punched their breasts and even picked up a bike from their lawn and slammed it into them. Jan was strong and fast.
Taking care of her horse and living the Texas lifestyle made her in much better shape than the two lazy hippy girls, even though she was only ten. My sister wsnted to pull her off the girls, but I advised against it for fear that she might get injured. The one-sided fight ended after both girls apologized and begged for mercy. Jan stopped her attack, walked back over to Ingrid and me, took my hand and we headed home restarting our interrupted conversation as if nothing happened. Truth be told… Jan was the best show in town!
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